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Midtown Madness 1 PC Game Racing through a track is great, but careening through the streets of major cities is a bit more of a, um, thrill! Midtown Madness lets you chart your own path as you race your friends through the streets of Chicago.The course provides a bit of a challenge, as you take to alleys, neighborhoods, and even buildings, to get to the finish line before your challenger. Adding to all this are obstacles like traffic, weather conditions, law enforcement, and pedestrians.

Thanks to Adult Swim's revival of Toonami, I'vebecome hooked on One Piece. I don't normally form such a heavyattachment to Japanese cartoons, but unlike most shonen anime,the style in One Piece is completely original, the characters arevivid, three-dimensional and full of life, and the plot can't beboiled down to 'two people fight.' All of you shouldwatch it -- if you don't, you're missing out on a lot of fun. Iknow this request is a tad unreasonable since it's on at 2:30 inthe morning and averages less than a million viewers per episode,but in my case, it helps if you live on the West Coast and haveaccess to the East Coast feed of the network.

I fear One Piece will never be accepted byAmericans the same way it's accepted in Japan, because theaverage 'normie' isn't going to know what to make of itat first sight. It's the Japanese version of 'AdventureTime,' basically -- it plays with logic just as loosely. Togive you the most general idea of what kind of show this is,there's an episode that contains a court scene where the judgehas three heads. No one thinks it's unusual that the judge hasthree heads, or questions it or anything. It's completelyaccepted, because hey, judges with three heads just happen.What IS considered unusual is when the judge's coat gets knockedoff to reveal it was actually three small men posing as athree-headed judge. When he had three heads that was fine, butwhen it turned out to be three normal guys, the crowd was VERYdisturbed.

If you're going to translate One Piece, itrequires a light touch. The biggest mistake you can make istrying to add anything to it. If 4Kids had ever translated theepisode with the judge in it, they would have made him say a lotof puns like 'HEADS will roll!' and 'I'm a-HEAD ofyou on that one!' The joke is simply that the guy exists;when you pile jokes on top of it, the original joke is completelyruined and it makes the show look terrible.

Habits like this were already familiar to TVwatchers by the time 4Kids announced it had acquired the rightsto translate One Piece, and fans of the show howled in agony overthe horrible decisions they knew were coming. They figuredSanji's cigarette would be reinterpreted as a lollipop, and theprediction came 100% true. 'They'll probably make theopening sequence into a rap,' they said sarcastically. Andthat is exactly what 4Kids did. Must've been taking notes.

There's a lot of exposition here(most of whichdoesn't even rhyme). 4Kids felt every episode had to establishthe setting, Luffy's rubbery condition, and the meaning behindthe show's name. The world's most famous pirate left all histreasure in 'one piece' somewhere in a dangerous areaof the seas known as the Grand Line, and this is what sets thepirates off on their journey, though One Piece itself is rarelythe focus of the show.

The first and previous episode (the 4Kidsversion, anyway) ended with Luffy meeting Roronoa Zoro -- er,'Zolo,' yeah, that's right. 'Zolo' is afamous pirate hunter who is about to be executed by the WorldGovernment's Marines -- er, the 'Navy' (no one knowswhy this change was made). As he stands there tied up and thefiring squad raises their rifles, Luffy races in front of him andthe bullets bounce right off his torso. Luffy, you see, has astretchable rubber body.

Some members of the 'Navy' areconfused by this, so one of them conveniently explains that thereare rare fruits known as Devil Fruits (they've renamed them'cursed fruits' here, unsurprisingly) that grant theone who eats them a random superpower, but takes away theirability to swim in water. Normally for a pirate this would be abig problem, but not to Luffy, who fears nothing. His constantoptimism, recklessness and general density makes him a greatcharacter to center the show around.

Then Luffy tells 'Zolo', right infront of the shooters, that he's forming a pirate crew and askshim to join. Luffy knows he hunts pirates, and doesn't care,because he's Luffy. 'Zolo' says if Luffy can somehowget him out of this predicament, then screw everything, considerhim an instant pirate. (In the original Zoro became part ofLuffy's crew in exchange for Luffy bringing him his three swords.Swords are Zoro's only real friends.)

Luffy gets to work on undoing the ropes holding'Zolo' down, but winds up just making them tighter. Andthe 'Navy' is charging at them with bladed weapons!Good time to shoehorn in the first commercial break....

If anything drives home how sad 4Kids' version of Saturday Morning TV was, it's this: they promised this morning's programming would be anchored by early 2000's preteen heartthrob Li'l Romeo, but when it came time to shoot the bumpers, they couldn't get him. They got a much lesser known hip-hopper named O'Ryan instead, crudely crossed Romeo's name out of the pre-rendered graphics and pasted in his. Maybe they hoped no one would notice.

This is one of the more original contests I've seen: win a weekend in an English castle for you and two of your friends, where you'll play stacks of video games and every meal you eat will be Spaghetti-Os served on silver platters. They pretty much nailed what a 9-year-old would consider a classy vacation.

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Burger King presents....this strange fever dream of an ad starring.....some shapes. Makes you hungry, doesn't it? This is what they replaced the Kids Club with? I know, the Kids Club wasn't that great anyway, but at least it was comprehensible. If things weren't unnerving enough, the toys inside were based on DreamWorks' Shark Tale. There's a creepy Will Smith-faced fish inside every bag!

Nintendo's latest game was Mario Pinball Land, which to date remains one of the lowest-rated titles ever published by the company. Even Nintendo Power gave it a bad score. They do their best to hide the fact, and the ad's slick style manages to make the game look exciting, set to a cover of 'Black Betty.' Bowser had a baby, bam-a-lam!

People thought Lucas was done tinkering with the OT; then Star Wars got its much anticipated DVD release and fans were horrified to see the goofy face of Hayden Christiansen as a hologram in Episode VI. Will we ever get a 'clean' release with no monkey business? It seems more likely these days, but then again, Fox will retain the rights to home video releases of the first six films for quite some time, and Lucas could still hold some control there.

I haven't mentioned yet there's thispink-haired kid named Coby who's been following Luffy around andwatching all this. That's because in the grand scheme of things,Coby's only purpose is to ask the questions the audience wouldabout Luffy and the world he lives in, then disappear at the endof the episode and never return. But coming up is the one scenein which Coby holds some importance to the plot. With hisstretchy abilities, Luffy makes quick work of the Navy's troopsand begins pummeling the (literally) iron-jawed Captain Morgan,only to stop when he sees the Captain's son holding Cobyhostage.....and yes, this is THAT episode:

This is the most famous scene in 4Kids OnePiece Hacksaw History: when this guy's gun wound up being changedinto a....whatever that is.
'YOU BETTER BACK OFF OR I'LL BOP 'IM, I MEAN IT!!!' No,not the bop!

If I can play Devil's Advocate, though, I can'tthink of one children's TV series where they've been allowed tohold a gun to a child's head. Not even in the slightly morepermissible PG-rated CN cartoons has that ever happened. This ispretty much the closest compromise anyone could come up withwithout it actually being a gun, and in the crazy world of OnePiece, it IS possible somebody might have a device like this intheir pocket. But even still. WHAT the hell.

It doesn't seem to be changed inthis shot. Hmm.

Of course Luffy doesn't know themeaning of backing down, even in the version where it IS a gun.As he's still approaching, Captain Morgan comes up from behind,and Luffy doesn't seem to notice -- but 'Zolo' saveshis bacon with his swords. Both 'Zolo's' sword strikeand Luffy's punch are cut out, and they add groaning noises fromthe Captain's body. It's anyone's guess what 'Zolo' didto him in this version. Whether he's dead or not, the othersoldiers actually hated him so they immediately celebrate.

And now we get our first scenewith Nami, the treasure hunter, in this episode. While that wholemess is going on, Nami sneaks onto a 'Navy' warship andenters the barracks to gain possession of a chart detailing howto navigate the Grand Line. Unfortunately she finds a noteinstead: 'I TOOK THE CHART SORRY.' ('Sorry'?Really?)

Nami crumples the map with herfist and exclaims, 'BUGGY! THE NOTORIOUS PIRATE CLOWN!'Good thing she said all that so you know Buggy is a pirate AND aclown. But if you still didn't get the hint, 4Kids plays calliopemusic over his silhouette. This is the kind of 'overdoingit' thing I was referring to earlier.

However bad Buggy is, at leasthe's polite enough to put 'sorry' on his note.

The second ad break features another Nintendo spot, this one for 'Donkey Konga.' That was a Gamecube rhythm game that came with a set of bongo drums. The ad works pretty well at holding your curiosity before the product it's symbolizing is revealed. I believe this was right before Guitar Hero hit -- they had the right idea, just the wrong instrument.

This wasn't the first time they sold Turtle toys, and it wasn't even the first time they sold 'mutatable' Turtle toys. But it wouldn't be the last time either. I admire that these radical dudes have held the test of time, even despite the best efforts of Mr. Bay.

The majority of this break is made up of PSAs, which makes it hard to write about, especially when the content is as enthralling as a shot of two people in a car for 15 seconds saying nothing. 'Another missed opportunity to talk with your kids about marijuana,' the ad captions. 'Scooter, where did you put my marijuana?' 'On top of the dresser.' 'Okay.'

Back at Coby's house Luffy and'Zolo' are resting up. 'Zolo' mentions thathe still hasn't met anybody else in Luffy's crew, and Luffycasually mentions 'Oh, it's just you so far.'Zolo' has a 'GAAAAAAK' reaction to this, aswell as to the reveal that Luffy's 'pirate ship' is, atthe moment, a dinky little sailboat.

An official from the'Navy' arrives at the door and says that since Luffyand 'Zolo' got rid of the Captain, they are free to go,but only because of that fact, and if the pirates are ever seenagain they WILL attempt an arrest. Then he points at Pink-Hairand says, 'Is he one of you guys?'

Luffy has to make sure Coby isn'tconnected to this, but he does it in the Luffiest way possible.He pretends to barely know the kid.....and then Coby looks on inhorror as Luffy raises his fist and beats the crap out of him(shown in shadow, in the original cut).

This is pretty funny -- in theoriginal version -- but 4Kids overdubbed every line andoverexplained every inch of the plot out of fears some kidwatching would get lost. Consequently all the humor was washedout of this scene so it doesn't come off as a joke anymore. AsLuffy leaves Coby thinks 'Now I get it, Luffy picked a fightfor ME! He was putting on a show so they would think we wereenemies! He was my true friend, to the end!' I don't thinkthis dialogue makes it obvious enough.

Sega's 'Amazing Island' had a novel idea (YOU create the monsters!) but in the end kids were more into discovering and catching them than making them.

4Kids wouid also run these cheaply-animated 'Crash Dummies' shorts in between their programs around this time. It was the last attempt at marketing crash dummies as toys after a successful run in the 90's.

This is going to be the most confusing thing you see in the entire program unless I explain what's going on. 4Kids was about to debut the Fox Box 'mascot': a pair of CGI eyeballs and lips on a spring. In the month leading up to his reveal, they teased him by having him talk from behind that curtain. Just from hearing him rap, you likely hate him already. Mr. Spring Whatever had a fanbase as large as Amazing Island, and that month of teaser footage may have been longer than his actual career.

These are clearly Justice League figures. The show would be cancelled the following year. Normally when that happens it's because there aren't enough toys being produced. Here they are, so what was the deal?

As the episode runs out its time,Luffy and 'Zolo' are drifting away in their boat.'I'm gonna be KING OF THE PIRATES! I'm working on myroar!'

'Why do you have to be KINGexactly?' 'Zolo' asks. 'Why can't you justsettle for being a GOOD pirate?'

'Well, it's a promise I madeto someone a while ago....' Luffy hints, and a drawing ofShanks, his old mentor, giving Luffy his straw hat is shown. Iffans were angry before, they would really raise a stink thefollowing week when Shanks' backstory, a great moment in theseries as well as a major part of understanding what Luffy is allabout, was completely cut out.

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Because the translation of One Piece was mangled so badly, kids were repulsed in droves and the initial US launch was unsuccessful. Later on Funimation acquired the rights and gave a proper, accurate redub to the episodes 4Kids had messed up -- but, to this day, One Piece still has trouble breaking into the mainstream outside of Japan.
It doesn't have to be that way. It's up to US to spread the legend of Luffy, raise the ratings of the Adult Swim airings and let everyone know of the incredible, hilarious cartoon adventure story they're missing out on. More importantly, now that you know the full story of 4Kids' dub, you can watch this: